so we get to your room and i put on that slits record. cause you won’t let me listen to the lemon of pink cause i’ve put it on every date night for the past two months and that’s okay; i like this record it’s good for kissing and we’re sort of kissing. but it’s getting me so hot with your lips grazing against mine and the feeling your stubble i can see your chest hair poke out the top of your shirt and i beg for you to pull it off so i can shove my face in there. but you push me back i feel your strength and your weight and body and i let myself fall to the floor where all i can do is stare your short dark hair. the colour in your skin the way your tummy rolls out just slightly over your boxers the way your deep brown eyes pull in the evening light. you grab my hair pull me close right between your legs where i breathe you in so sour and fragrant and you ask if i want ice cream and i say i do so you tell me to go and get us ice cream cause it’s gonna be a heavy night and not one to disobey direct orders, i get changed and head out. when i’m in the store i put my mask on and i can smell you on my face breathing you in again and again and I’m leaking so i get whatever is on sale without looking and run home to you. the door is unlocked so i come inside and i see the scented candlelight flickering up the stairs i walk up with the slits still playing so i laugh. and you’re standing there and you push me onto the bed and you ask what’s so funny but it’s just that elle said music wouldn't get me laid i'm so happy you're so nice all i wanna do is kiss you for the rest our life i'm just so grateful you'd touch me there and god it's nice to say that and it not be weird we’re so different our bodies spark i believe that i’m a woman as you kiss me in the dark then you’re all around me you don’t bother with my dress cause the fastest way to my heart babe is through my fucking chest tear me open eat me out i want to see me in your mouth all my blood and my guts getting dizzy from your love tear me open reach inside there is nothing left to hide so rip everything out and fill me up with your love we’ve stained the sheets what a mess you stitch me back together and kiss the scars you’ve left i’m so pretty which is new for me but there’s so much of you in here really how could i not be? you hold me tight i shut my eyes i can feel your breathing and i realise we’re alive i start cry and you say you love me too for the first time there’s a future and it's all you i'm yours

my bath room is cold my shower's warm i’ve been buying razor blades again because i don't want to spend as much money as i was on cartridges they’re so sharp on my skin but i haven't been cutting myself with them except when i slip but that's always just an accident cause it's too pricey to cut my knives are all dull my razor blade supply is limited and if i took a bit too far i'd die waiting for an ambulance and cosy wouldn't like it hartley wouldn't like it i don't know if carla would care maybe i'll just cut my hair