1. |
trans asterisk pt 3
03:13
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i cut myself today, first time in a while
blood like a tear, scar like a smile
i know it sounds dumb and don’t think i’m proud
but medically i gotta get it out somehow
it’s all doctors, it’s all nurses
it’s all hospital appointments
it’s all “this way sir,” “now this might hurt”
it’s enough to make me forget i’m a girl
had an ultrasound today, first time in a while
my name got called like a question, but the tech was polite
they said my liver’s fine, at least as far as they could tell
but i felt something break inside as they applied the gel
it’s all doctors, it’s all nurses
it’s all waiting for appointments
it’s all “did you play with dolls?”
it’s all “do you know it’s irreversible?”
it’s selling out my principles
to pay for all of this
for the chance to be treated like a woman
no trans asterisk
it's all the same shit
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2. |
plan c
01:27
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i can't bottom
i can't top
i wish i could stop
i'm not a girl
i'm not a boy
i wish i would die
i'm not 16
but act 16
i wish i were alone
i want sex
but i hate sex
i wish i'd get raped again
this tranny shit is making me lose my mind
you should take advantage of that
eight years in and i've still gotta write
these same sad tranny songs
cause all this social progress has only meant
now i'm accepted as a man
who's gender nonconforming
it's fucking infuriating
my most gender affirming memory
is when [blank] assaulted me
but you knew that already
you've known all of this already
it's nothing new
it's not even funny
i'll put down my guitar
for that oil n gas money
i don't want to live like this anymore
i've been thinking of doing something drastic
i'm not sure what exactly that is
but keep an eye on the news, you'll know when you see it
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3. |
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Too much to drink and we're in Barnes somehow
We were on a bus and then we passed out
Got woken up, walked a bit and now we're looking at the bridge
Sitting on that ledge by the boathouse
The water looks nice tonight
We're talking about Narcissa Wright
And everything hits me at once and I start to cry
I'll never have a period
Never use a tampon
I'll never call myself female cause
Everyone's convinced that that is factually wrong
I'll never breastfeed my kid
Never even give birth
I will never be a mother
That will always hurt
And I ask myself how this became my life
Every hour, every day detransitioning pops into mind
This trans asterisk is now my world
And all that's left for me to do is die or admit I'm not a girl
sorry mom i’m not gonna make it home tonight
i only ever wanted to be like you all my life
and now i’ve grown into whatever the fuck this is
staring at the water, crying cause i can’t jump in
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4. |
body horror 2024
01:42
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stare at myself in the mirror for an hour a day
take about a hundred selfies to get angle to show i have feminine face
i do my makeup, i got a whole hair routine
as soon as i leave the flat, my neighbour misgenders me
i'll never be cis passing
but i'm not sure i'll ever be trans
it's hardly even malicious
people just think i'm a pretty looking man
i use she/her pronouns
i have to remind myself
and sure i say my name is yvette
but when i hear it, i think you mean someone else
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5. |
early stuff
03:41
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bought a mango drank a beer
isn't much to sing about here
sitting alone in my flat in glasgow
how do the other better songs go
la la la la gender sucks
la la la i want to fuck
but i've got hormones and sex on tap
so it just sounds whiny when i say i feel bad
and these are the same chords from stargazing
which itself was ripped off from boxing day by csh
i feel the same about myself as i do about everyone
i think i only like the early stuff
i wish i were called mary
and not this fucking french name
that no one can pronounce
i don't know what that's about.
i'm so bored with yvette no one gets it right
they just think that it's a weird name for a guy i wanna die
but they'll be no worry for this boy called mary
8 years in i've finally got it all figured out
i’ll cut my hair real short and switch my pronouns around
then shout at my friends when they can’t keep up
at this point i would detransition just for fun
i think i only like the early stuff
my friends all tell me
to shut up and get married
i've got a good man with a steady job
and i love him a lot
and we've been through a lot
but this girl in leeds makes me think of ruining my life
oh it's a red flag to leave this all behind
but it’s the follow through that makes really wanna lose my mind
so i’m undecided, indecisive
i’m a real piece of work and no one is excited
cause i've already fucked up an engagement once
i think i only like the early stuff
to quote fiona apple, this is not about love
i think i only like the early stuff
god have mercy on me
i really tried to believe
for like a month
and then it all went back to seeming kinda dumb
26, 2024
i don’t know what i want
i just know i don’t want this anymore
suicide note on my mirror in blood
i think i only like the early stuff
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7HDI demos London, UK
Check out 7hdi.bandcamp.com for official releases!
DEMOS for the band 7 Hour Darkness
Invasion. Be warned, there's a lot of out of tune singing and out of time playing. These are essentially drafts of what I want the albums to actually be.
C/W: lots of stuff about blood/suicide/alcohol/trans issues
... more
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