1. |
eternal sunshine
01:26
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(this is the only one about you)
if i told you what this all came to
would you still have talked to me
if i told you that it all fell through
would you still have got with me
if i told you how we both grew
would you still have stayed with me
that night, all eyes
like this was the start of something new
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2. |
always wrong
03:05
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i wear four layers of clothes
around my fucking house
it's minus three degrees right now
but most days i go out
i'd say it's too cold to make love
but i don't think of it that much
all i do at home is sit
and watch the people go to work
i think i'm ace
i think i'm safe
i think i'm thinking
i'm okay
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i got an old guitar by the door
i got white wine in the fridge
i got coffee in the grinder
i got bulk cooked chilli and soup and shit
i got a pack of safety razor blades
that i don't really use
i let the pain of life wash over me
then find something else to do
i think i've learned
to move on
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i think i've changed
worked my faults
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i think i've made myself a woman
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i think i've found another family
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i think i could learn to love this place
i could learn to live here
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
i'm always wrong
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3. |
november 29th
00:38
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i wish you could die
a thousand times over
but i guess we'll have to settle for one
i hope that you're burning
in whatever comes after
but i think that when you're dead you're just gone
but still if you had lived one more day
it would have been one more day too long
rip in pissinger
henry kissinger
your life was a blight
and your memory is a curse
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4. |
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some days i wake up i go the fuck back to sleep
some days i only feel like i'm home in my dreams
there with all my old friends, my dead friends, and you
i wish that we could talk but i can't seem to move
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5. |
too cold to dream
01:51
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it's too cold to sleep
it's too cold to dream
if we had any covers
we'd be set maybe
your bottle's leaked on my bag
i've lost connection to my feet
if i could only hold you
we'd be okay maybe
a couple inches away
on this crawling fucking train
at least we're moving
and a bed is only a few hours away
but it's torture when you're close
and i can't feel you next to me
it is torture when you're close
and i can't feel you next to me
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6. |
the delusion one
02:22
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would you trust me with a gun
would you trust me with a hammer
would you trust me with a knife
would you trust me with a spanner
i can build, i can break things
i could maybe kill a man
these are admirable qualities
i hope you understand
i think i'm delusional
but you love that about me
right?
would you trust me with your home
would you trust me with your food
would you trust me in your bathroom
i'm not trying to be rude
i don't do that well with boundaries
i don't really "get" consent
but you can trust me not to lie
when you ask where our money went
i can't explain my choices
but it made sense at the time
cause i think i'm delusional
but you love that about me
right?
i am waiting in our bedroom
i am staring at the window
there's a person in the window
and she doesn't look like me
she's got curly hair and makeup
and she's got a scrunchy smile
she's got a way through the glass
and she's waiting till i blink
would you trust me with your life
do you even trust me with mine?
are you sure you won't regret
this all somewhere down the line
every wasted year together
every squandered natural end
you know you could be with a person
not someone playing pretend
would you trust me with a gun
would you trust me with a hammer
would you trust me with a knife
i wouldn't trust me with one either
could you even get to sleep
as i pace the house at night?
i think i'm delusional
but you love that about me, right?
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7. |
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don't take this the wrong way
but i think you made me ace
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8. |
a cappella
00:51
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when i don't have my guitar
i just sing a cappella
when i can't sing a cappella
i just clap
when i can't clap
i mouth the words
to whatever i'm listening
even when out i'm in public
i think people think i'm strange
but i've got music in my heart
and my veins
it wants to get out
and it's telling me things
so i give in to its demands
at whatever cost to me
and it's all i can do not to scream
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9. |
violent thoughts
01:45
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you know i tried to see someone about my
v i o l e n t u r g e s
you know i did tell the nhs that i had
v i o l e n t t h o u g h t s
it was deeply embarrassing
to do it on my laptop
i was put on a waitlist for like
6 fucking months
i said i was at my limit
but then i didn't kill myself
that has disproved my hypothesis
i guess i don't need help
i guess the people that i know
are probably pretty safe
cause after i end up hurting them
they usually move away
you know i think i'm acting a bit like
jesse lacey
and making the comparison
doesn't make it better
i thought we learned our lesson
in the late 2010s
it keeps feeling like we're learning it
but nothing ever sticks
cause half the scene won't forgive
and the others **will** forget
like there's no middle ground between
complicity and punishment
there's no vision of better
so we can't work through it
honestly sometimes i don't believe in music
i said i was at my limit
but i guess i lied
if you listened to the demos
you'd know i do it all the time
i would say that i'm sorry
but it doesn't mean much
when this song is non-specific
and i'm still having violent thoughts
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10. |
carry me home
01:26
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it's all trains to leeds to york to home
through the pennines, up the coast
i'll have spent a week of my life
waiting out delays this year alone
someone stole the cables
striking staff, flooded lines
dot matrix at the platform flashing
every new expected time
i put up with the creeps, the drunks
the fascist conductor fucks
explaining to old ladies
that they're shit out of luck
but i'd sit through the sleeper
rather than queue up to fly
for the view approaching central
sunrise over the clyde
carry me home
avanti carry me home
scot rail carry me home
caledionia carry me home
cross country carry me home
l n e r carry me home
oh won't you carry me home
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11. |
sex without sex
02:37
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afterwards they said
"what a beautiful scene"
i said "it wasn't for you
i don't know what you mean
i like performing cause it gets me off
as long as i can keep my underpants on"
they said "are you ace cause i'm demi"
i said "no demi, i'm dad, just end me"
you laughed as they looked concerned
putting on your clothes as they tried to learn
what i do when i do what i do to you
who i am when i am what i am to you
but you pulled me away to the aftercare room
my cheeks all red, your bruises blue
so we sat, side by side
usually this is where i’d cry
or think about crying or suicide
but right now i feel fine
you saw i was distracted
and you only held me tight
i tried to start on something
but that something wasn’t right
i don't have the words
i don't have the time
i don't have the right equipment
i don't have that lust for life
every other time i've fucked
i thought about something else
simply unbearable
to believe that i'm myself
but then you showed me
sex without sex, pain without pain
lust without lust, you drive me insane
for sex without sex, touch without touch
play without play, a queer kinda love
sex without sex, a truth without truth
it's me without me, and you without you
sex without sex, together in bed
figuring out, new ways to be friends
i don't have the words
i don't have the time
to deliberate on verbiage
instead of looking in your eyes
and there
i see the way you see
it's a new way to make love
and a new way to be me
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12. |
reprise, or, plan b
00:56
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i don't have the words
i don't have the time
i don't have the talent
to just play guitar and whine
as a career
this is all just for fun
i used to have a fantasy
but now i think it's dumb
i don't have the words
i don't have the time
i don't have the motivation
to make something of my life
and my life
won't make anything of me
i'm a boy dressed up like mommy
where a woman ought to be
i don't have the words
i don't have the time
i don't have the inner peace
to fall asleep tonight
so i'll stare
at the ceiling in the dark
and i'll figure out a future
then work backwards to the start
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13. |
transport in glasgow
02:06
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how do these songs usually start?
i'm walking somewhere
i'm taking a plane
i'm being driven
i'm on the train
we'll start this one at the subway station
whichever one like it doesn't matter
it all just goes round and round
i take whichever circle shows up first
and sit my bleeding ass down
how does the next bit go?
i take out my phone
and look at the old lyrics
like they're dirty little secrets
like i ever told the truth
the carriage shakes and i think back
to every night when we talked
back in halls
i'd try to call but i don't have any signal
it's all made up anyway
even when it's true
i put fingers to the touchscreen
and try to make it new
but it’s all the same songs
same sadness, same trauma
one night seven years ago
my endless well of drama
thank you thank you
you made me feel like a woman
thank you thank you
i chat about you with the girlies
thank you thank you
you are practically a martyr
all my friends think you're a monster
i get endless sympathy
thank you
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14. |
7hdi is christian rock
01:56
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i don't go to parties
i don't go to clubs
if you don’t count estrogen
i don’t do drugs
i wish i had better vices
i wish i liked sex
i wish i had car
in which i could have sex
lord, here i come
i don’t go to therapy
i don’t go to church
if you don’t count uni
then i don’t do work
i wish i had better virtues
i wish i had more books
i wish i had more time
to read more books
lord, here i come
yeah lord, here i come
in the end
in the earth
nothing helps
nothing hurts
i won’t think about the things i haven’t done
i really don’t think i’ll be thinking ‘bout much
lord, here i come
cause in the earth
in the end
there’s no more enemies
and no more friends
i’ll be free from joy and free from pain
i feel like isserley when i sing my refrain
lord, here i come
oh lord, here i come
one glad morning
when this life is over
i’ll fly away
to a home on god’s celestial shore
i’ll fly away
i’ll fly away fly away oh glory
i’ll fly away fly away in the morning
when i die halleluhaj by and by
i’ll fly away
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15. |
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.standing in the hall
why’d you tell me i’m wrong
in front of the neighbours
should we all sing along?
.i try not to slam the door
as you pull me in
i think you wanna be done
but now it really begins
[ ] .i’m not shouting
i’m just being clear
i’m only raising my voice
as much as you are, dear
.and i don’t think you get it
like you say you do
if you really really loved me
you would tell me the truth
.and not stammer out your answers
like a fucking liar
you say i’m acting scary
stakes are getting higher
.if you think i’m such a monster
then why do you date me
i’m clearly an abuser
so why don’t you hate me
[ ] .oh so you think
i need help?
i’m struggling with emotions
oh please pray tell
.how this isn’t you deflecting
cause you know i’m right
if you didn’t want to go
why’d you pick this fight?
[ ]
is my framing disingenuous?
are my comparisons tenuous?
is this argument strenuous?
okay let’s take a step back i’m sorry
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16. |
gigs
02:05
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i don't know, you know?
this stuff was more endearing 6 years ago
i don’t know, you know?
i used to listen to music non stop to get me through the night
i mean the thing is right
my parents changed my bedroom to an office when i left
so there’s no more sitting on the window sill
feet over the garden, listening to anco
it takes 20 minutes to get to class
that’s almost half album there and half an album back
but the subway drowns the texture out
i’m not saying it’s pointless, i’m just saying it’s harder
i don’t know, you know?
we were teenagers when we made god ain’t dead yet
and you’d think i’d have improved from then
but i think only teenagers could make that album
this is an idea that started out dumb
it sounds sad but this is all just for fun
i’m below ambition, below hope
which means i don’t do open mics just cause i think i should go
to build a following and be part of the scene
having a community, isn’t that the dream
but i, i don’t care, i don’t wanna give
hours of my life to lose money on gigs that people talk through
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17. |
silly little stories
02:43
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hot drink
cold nose
cold fingers
tryna take off my jacket
wet hair
sore feet
fucked makeup
same as always
condensation
on my bedroom window
i try to find something to read
sometimes it feels like i’m not really here
living out my life in these silly little stories
i feel like Tereza
i get vertigo
i could put my book down
and pick up my phone
i could call you up
i know you’d want to fuck
just forget my soul
give the body what it wants
i feel like Reese
i get dysphoric too
i wanna be a mother
but that won’t come true
so i’ll find someone to hurt me
i want someone to hurt me
if i called you would you hurt me
again? again? again?
hot drink
warm bed
bright lamp
cause my eyesight’s getting worse
good book
would you read it?
the girl’s a lot like me but sure you’ve got your video essays to watch
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18. |
best band ever
01:08
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album minus band changed my life
and scrambles also changed my life
vacation changed my life
and adults changed my life
goodbye cool world saved my life
more than once
probably twice
i don’t think it was any more than three times
i screamed king of minneapolis on the street
covered in spit, right after being raped
but i’d thrown up in my mouth
so i knew i wasn’t dead
i knew i wasn’t dead
so i’m still not dead and
i still listen to
i still listen to
bomb still listen to
bomb still listen to
i still listen to
bomb still listen to
bomb cause they’re the best band ever
i still listen to
bomb still listen to
bomb cause they’re the best band ever
i still listen to
i still listen to
bomb cause they’re the best band ever
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19. |
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christmas 2016
i thought i’d kill myself
nothing really went that wrong
but nothing really helped
i’m not sure that i’m better
but it’s clear that i have changed
so christmas 2023
i’m still insane but in a different way
trudging down great western road
feels a bit less cold
when i know black pine is warm
and they got batch brew to go
i walk beside the kelvin
i go to my lgs
everywhere there’s an energy
we’re almost through this mess
there are lights in the windows
and music in the stores
my aggravated retail friends
can’t take it anymore
but i love it i’m so sorry
it is so nice to be here
glasgow lit right up for me
and all my festive cheer
christmas 2023
it still crosses my mind
my body is a collage
of every other time
that i chose not to die
and that’s a hard way to see it
but i’m still here to celebrate
so you better believe it
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20. |
always wrong part 2
04:07
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old guitars
mouldy clothes
got a couple radiators
but where the heat goes no one knows
not into the room
where i drink my tea and sit
staring over at the subway entrance
spend all morning
not doing shit
old guitars
broken phones
seven years of baggage
shoved into a one bedroom home
got my books
still got my red dress
i may have lost that maxi coat
but moving was a mess
let’s be glad it wasn’t more
i call the doctor
i think i’m bipolar
they don’t care
i stare into the pain of life
looking for an answer
it doesn’t care
it’s just there
i’ve got a heated blanket
underneath the sheets
i’ve got Annie’s cassette duplicator
and bulk cooked bolognese to eat
i’ve got a pack of safety razor blades
but i don’t have facial hair
sometimes i hear a whispered voice
i just try not to care
when i’m alone
i think that someone else is there
another woman in the mirror
something standing round the corner
i think someone’s gonna hurt me
i’m afraid to be alone at night
i’m always wrong, i’m always wrong
except that one time i was right
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21. |
last hurdle
02:00
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you can always fall at the last hurdle
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22. |
7 hour daylight invasion
06:17
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if life is a gamble then i wanna cash in
but i’m strapped to the chair and running out of chips
dealer’s grinning
i don’t know what it means to win
feels every day the odds get worse
some side bets going on how bad it’ll hurt
when we realise
we’re past the point of no return
but you’re in a trap you must not fear
yeah i’m stuck at the table but as long as i'm here
hit me
hit me
hit me with another year
7 hours of daylight invade
25 years old and i’m still late to class
i'm pretty sure the part where i could've got better has passed
it’s a five minute run up the hill
if i don’t believe in a future then who fucking will
we gotta build shit to get socialism built
and the sky opens up at the top
sun on the horizon
9am and it’s already starting to drop
i go inside
by the time i’m out it’s dark and wet
like my boyfriend’s pussy but i’m not home yet
gotta navigate my way back down the hill
take the inner home just to do it all again
and all that rain froze over at night
i run for the outer and slip on the ice
kids in uniform walking by laughing at me
i’ve broke my phone and bruised my ass
i’ve missed the train even later to class
some GLASGOW WINTER SADNESS MEDLEY
oh life is a lover tryna keep me awake
cause i've got a concussion and i'm drifting away
hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
i know i’m inconsistent so i’ll try to be clear
you say you don't wanna hurt me, but i'm telling you dear
hit me
hit me
hit me with another year
[flute solo]
it’s been a bad one it always is
i got more scars i bleed when i shit
my tits are sore; my dick is also sore
i know it sounds crude but it’s not joke
i might be a body but i still have hope
cause sometimes i see my soul shining through
life is a scene and i'm out of my depth
but i'm halfway hard and tied to the bed
so hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
i know i've said some concerning things
but no matter how fucking loud i scream
just hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
and yeah i know it might seem queer
but i know i’m alive when i’m gushing tears
now hit me
hit me
hit me with another year
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7HDI demos London, UK
Check out 7hdi.bandcamp.com for official releases!
DEMOS for the band 7 Hour Darkness
Invasion. Be warned, there's a lot of out of tune singing and out of time playing. These are essentially drafts of what I want the albums to actually be.
C/W: lots of stuff about blood/suicide/alcohol/trans issues
... more
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