1. |
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I never meant for things to get this way again
i guess i thought i'd grow kinda naturally
i didn't see myself in york
still suicidal
and still somehow living
well i've heard that that's enough
i've heard i should be proud to have made it through the year
but what does that say about my friends that i can't see cause they're no longer here
the heating's off and the wife's asleep
cold house on a cold morning
i drink my coffee, i text my friends
i try to connect and i fail and try again
i guess i shouldn't just sit around
but there's nothing that needs doing and you know this town
so i dress myself like i'm really alive
and i step outside into the foggy morning light
there's no ground
there's no sky
there is nothing to hold onto
i'm just floating
in the mist
i'd reach out but i can't see you
are you there?
are you still you?
do we grow or just diminish?
i want to believe that when we stop
it doesn't mean we've finished
this is new music
for all my old friends
against my better judgement
without input from them
cause i've learned jack shit
i've only gotten worse
i take what i want
get what i deserve
like this new music
for an old city
that's rotten at the core
but you can't deny it's pretty
so we’ve learned jack shit
this is only getting worse
if we don’t think there’s a future
then it's not what we deserve
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2. |
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i've been down every street
in this godforsaken city
the sun is coming out but there's nowhere left to go
it's all roads i used to live on
it's all bars i've gotten bored of
it's all unfamiliar houses
of friends i used to know
who've found a better life in london
or just fucked off to leeds
or are still floating around
but not who they used to be
i wanna scream, the sun is bright
the air is warm, the ouse is cold
it's make new friends
and forget the old
i've being trying to write music
but like my dick it doesn't cum
it's more awkward than erotic
cause i'm bigoted and dumb
spending hours in my room
just playing with my hands
if i walk you through the process
would you try to understand?
i'm thinking genius annotations
before i write the lyrics
i've already lost my blood
now i'm haemorrhaging spirit
do you feel it? do you feel it?
as it puddles round your feet
this apocalypse is boring
and it's not what's killing me
i want to live
in a society
i want to talk to my neighbours
and support the local scene
but i'm a fucking tranny
and the gigs don't pay
maybe the north can't be saved
sitting in the park alone
getting through a beer
with sunset coming down
you know they last forever here
no new dawn, no goodnight
just a long lingering sigh
of a city giving up
while it's stripped of its insides
til it's hollow brittle bone
shaking underneath your feet
and when you fall it won't catch you
it's an ornamental piece
but there's still part of it left
you can smell it's rotting soul
the sun is bright, the air is warm,
and the ouse is cold
i am trying to get better
i am trying to be more
but it's hard to go outside
when the river's at my door
but inside it's all discourse
about so called mental health
if you tell me to see a doctor
i will kill myself
i do not need to wait weeks
to be told to exercise
we're just roleplaying support
as if the problem's in my mind
i am trapped in the doorway
i am drunk in a park
i could make new friends
if i owned a car
i want commercial
viability
just disaffected middle class crypto liberal things
i lay back in the grass
another normal day
maybe the north can't be saved
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3. |
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firat datei took you to the beachh
with your hand in my hand
stared out overthe ocean
with our feet in the sand
then i whispered yr name
and uou whispered back mine
then the sky turned grey and it swallowed you up and i'm sorry
this
was all
just
another lie
theres no beach life
gods still alive
i just make shit up
i do it all the fucking time
i dont drink that much
my lifes not that bad
i donNt understand
why the fuck am i this sad
I think we need some studio banter for the ep
//no we do not
we love a good skit
//no we do not
you gotta admit jackin it was great
//no i do not
“what was jackin it?”
it was this studio banter bonus track for god aint dead year and like, it was entirely organic and it sounded like us talking the way that we actually talked, and it was this genuine example of the band dynamic
“was it? sorry—”
no just keep going
“okay [clears throat] what was it about?”
jacking it
i won't kill myself
i just wish i had
think i kinda missed the moment
aren't you happy about that? /s
I want to dream
Just for a while
Of blue water, open skies
Sunset stretching out for miles
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4. |
soup or spread her
03:22
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another fucking asshole
walks in without a mask
i would murder everybody here
if i were fit to task
so i'm ploughing my body
and harrowing my soul
i am pissing in your toilet
i am out of control
cause i have NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
except my life
another fucking asshole
has stuck some stickers up
all around my city
saying how we've all been cucked
that this pandemic is a hoax
that our friends aren't really dead
if i find him and his stickers
i will tear them both to shreds
cause i believe in violence
and it believes in me
it urges me to get a grip
and do all sorts of things
with my life, with my soul
with my body, with my hands
reaching out, open and empty
so I finally understand
that I have NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
xcept what i am
just what i am
"I'm a very physical person. I like to touch and be touched. I like to tear things apart when somebody gives me the chance. Sometimes it's like I can't help it, then I think, no, I could help it, I could hold it back, like a sneeze. But it feels so much more satisfying to say the cruelest thing, to hurt, to harm. I wish I was better, but I'm not, and so there's nothing to do but love who I am."
cause i'm a super spreader
of distrust and pain
i might be crazy
but you're all insane
i am a not a fucking doomer
but i'm not in denial
that the future is coming
even if it takes a while
while you're building your careers
starting families, saving up
like you'll just sell your house
when the river floods
how can you carry on
holding on to all this shit
crushed under the weight
of the way you live
so I have NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
except this
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5. |
transport in york 2022
01:42
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Train back from Leeds
At 1am
Got a lecture in 8 hours
That I'm probably gonna miss
The gig was fun
I didn't drink
I didn't dance
I didn't even sing
It's cold and wet
I'm wet and cold
My jacket isn't waterproof
Like I was told
Bus stop
All alone
Holding a record that I bought
And my phone
Which is almost out of power
Been waiting here half an hour
And now there's an hour wait 'til the next bus
This timetable is bullshit, I'm tired and lost
Can I give you a call I need a little talk
I hope you don't mind if I wake you up
I hope you know this isn't something I'd do
To anyone but you
hey sorry for calling so late
i wanted to talk
and i couldn't wait
it's been a while
and i've been thinking
i wanted you to know that
i'm still drinking
i'm still suicidal
i'm still anxious and depressed
and i still get flashbacks
i still struggle with sex
and i'm still i'm not sure that i can take care of myself
but i've found a family here
and that's okay
for now
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6. |
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i don't want to see you anymore
anywhere
anyhow
i'll just leave if you're around
i don't want to smell your perfume
i don't want to hear that sound
that you make
when you humour my jokes
i couldn't be more happy it's been so long since we spoke
but i see it over twitter
and i hear it from the friends
who you haven't gotten round to yet
Who don’t know how this ends
They act like you’ve been hurt
And need to get back on the scene
So when they tell me ‘bout your latest crush
I know victim is really what they mean
go find someone else
someone shiny and new
checking out the freshers
cause they haven't heard of you
You’ll protect them from the creeps
You’ll make sure to get consent
You’ll know that you’re not liable
If this all falls apart again
I wonder how it’s going
Now you’re trapped inside the house?
Partner working up the courage to ask you to help out
But you’re just a bit depressed
Or you just need your space
I hope they can see through you
Cause it’s always been this way
do you remember what we were?
Do you remember what you said?
do you remember the future we'd planned out in our bed?
it wasn't me trying not to cry when you don't come home
but it's not cheating if you tell me, I know
go find someone else
and get bored of them too
they won't bring up how it hurts them
if they know that you'll accuse them of abuse
in your room
with your new new partner
As if asking you to care
Makes you into a martyr
and really i'm not saying that the straights are any better
but you fuck up on a scale that they could never ever even
reach so god please
I just don't know what to do
cause when it always ends like this
The problem’s probably you
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7. |
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I’m tired of holding on
When I know you’re letting go
Staring at myself in the mirror
Trying on the clothes
That I wore through all the moments
That made me who I was
Telling myself they could still fit
I just need to stitch them up
Find some decent scissors
There’s no going back
Patch the shreds together
All the colors clash
My soul’s a tattered scrapbook
The songs of lovers past
A world of carpet remnants
It isn’t built to last
Our history isn’t static
Even if it doesn’t change
I found the notes you left me
And threw them all away
I can’t control what i'm given
Only what I make
I’m a memory of a memory
You wouldn't recognise my face
I was busy when the phone rang
So I said I'd call him back
It hit me as I dialled
And he just confirmed the facts
I look at that last message
Delivered, never read
I would do fucking anything
To just hang out again
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7HDI demos London, UK
Check out 7hdi.bandcamp.com for official releases!
DEMOS for the band 7 Hour Darkness
Invasion. Be warned, there's a lot of out of tune singing and out of time playing. These are essentially drafts of what I want the albums to actually be.
C/W: lots of stuff about blood/suicide/alcohol/trans issues
... more
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