i didn't mean for things to get this way again i guess i thought i'd grow kinda naturally i didn't see myself still in york still suicidal and still somehow living well i've heard that that's enough i've heard i should be proud to have made it through the year but what does that say about my friends that i can't see cause they're no longer here the heating's off and the wife's asleep it's a cold house on a cold morning i drink my coffee, i text my friends i try to connect and i fail and try again i'm don't mean to blame anyone i'm not even trying to blame myself i'm just saying sat stuck in this town and all i can do is try to write my way out i'm getting back to my roots i'm jacking off in my room i'm trying to write songs about writing songs about writing songs about you i'm tryna tell the truth maybe not the whole truth but as much as i'd like to think that i used to think that i liked to think i ought to i'm getting back to my roots this is new music for an old sadness this is better language for my so-called madness i got trapped once now it's happened again and i'm running out of options like i'm running out of friends but i've got new music for this old sadness a new course chartered by the same obsessive faggot i got out once i can do it again and if i don't well let's not think about that

i don't want to see you anymore anywhere anyhow i'll just leave if you're around i don't want to smell your perfume i don't want to hear that sound that you make when you humour my jokes i couldn't be more happy it's been so long since we spoke but i see it over twitter and i hear it from the friends who you haven't gotten round to yet Who don’t know how this ends They act like you’ve been hurt And need to get back on the scene So when they tell me ‘bout your latest crush I know victim is really what they mean go find someone else someone shiny and new checking out the freshers cause they haven't heard of you You’ll protect them from the creeps You’ll make sure to get consent You’ll know that you’re not liable If this all falls apart again I wonder how it’s going Now you’re trapped inside the house? Partner working up the courage to ask you to help out But you’re just a bit depressed Or you just need your space I hope they can see through you Cause it’s always been this way do you remember what we were? Do you remember what you said? do you remember the future we'd planned out in our bed? it wasn't me trying not to cry when you don't come home but it's not cheating if you tell me, I know go find someone else and get bored of them too they won't bring up how it hurts them if they know that you'll accuse them of abuse in your room with your new new partner As if asking you to care Makes you into a martyr and really i'm not saying that the straights are any better but you fuck up on a scale that they could never ever even reach so god please I just don't know what to do cause when it always ends like this The problem’s probably you

i've been down every street in this godforsaken city the sun is coming out but there's nowhere left to go it's all roads i used to live on it's all bars i've gotten bored of it's all unfamiliar houses of friends i used to know who've found a better life in london or just fucked off to leeds or are still floating around but not who they used to be i wanna scream, the sun is bright the air is warm, the ouse is cold it's make new friends and forget the old i've being trying to write music but like my dick it doesn't cum it's more awkward than erotic cause i'm bigoted and dumb spending hours in my room just playing with my hands if i walk you through the process would you try to understand? i'm thinking genius annotations before i write the lyrics i've already lost my blood now i'm haemorrhaging spirit do you feel it? do you feel it? as it puddles round your feet this apocalypse is boring but that's not what's killing me i want to live in a society i want to talk to my neighbours and support the local scene but i'm a fucking tranny and the gigs don't pay maybe the north can't be saved sitting in the park alone getting through a beer with sunset coming down you know they last forever here no new dawn, no goodnight just a long lingering sigh of a city giving up while it's stripped of its insides til it's hollow brittle bone shaking underneath your feet and when you fall it won't catch you it's an ornamental piece but there's still part of it left you can smell it's rotting soul the sun is bright, the air is warm, and the ouse is cold i am trying to get better i am trying to be more but it's hard to go outside when the river's at my door but inside it's all discourse about so called mental health if you tell me to see a doctor i will kill myself we're roleplaying support another decorative scene it's somewhere i could belong as a plastic figurine i am trapped in the doorway i am drunk in a park i could make new friends if i owned a car i want commercial viability just disaffected middle class crypto liberal things i lay back in the grass another normal day maybe the north can't be saved

In half my dreams I can't move But even when I can I can't save you And I don't know why I still try I've been told you're doing fine. You're pretty damn capable But I think about you all the time I found those notes that you left me While rummaging around my old room. And every conversation came back to me at once I remembered every time you said I wasn't enough. I tried, yeah I tried But I maybe I shouldn't have Maybe I made things worse Maybe all you wanted was to not get hurt. Oh I regret every minute I spent arguing with you I'm sorry for all those phonecalls that stole our summer afternoons. I just didn't realise that as things stood there was no hope Should've listened to the newsboys cause then I would've known. God ain't dead yet I know that just seems like a pretty sad excuse But if it's any consolation I'm not forgiving you. I'll never forget being called pathetic When I wasn't up for sex Or when you defended your boyfriend For calling me a faggot. Holding on to my anger cause it feels like all I have I still fantasise about murdering your dad. Cause I know I can't make things better I can't even make things change But you always did want me to write you something Gods not dead he's surely alive he's living on the inside roaring like a lion If I told you that I love you Would you listen Would you care If I told you that I love you Would you just stand and stare If I told you that I love you Would you smile Would you cry If I told you that I love you Would it make you feel like you could die If I told you that I love you Would you realise you don't need them If I told you that I love you Would you walk away again If I told you that I love you Would you say that you love me Would that be the end Would you get out of my dreams If I told you that I love you Would you kiss me like you used to God is an abuser who knows exactly how we think And he's with us all the time keeping control of everything Que sera sera We never stood a chance We'll never be enough cause that's not his plan You still live with your parents I still fall in love too fast You're still fucking pretentious I'm still a slow motion car crash But one day we'll stop believing that we deserve this pain Cause maybe God ain't dead yet but I swear I'll find a way

In half my dreams I can't move But even when I can I can't save you And I don't know why I still try I've been told you're doing fine. You're pretty damn capable But I think about you all the time I found those notes that you left me While rummaging around my old room. And every conversation came back to me at once I remembered every time you said I wasn't enough. I tried, yeah I tried But I maybe I shouldn't have Maybe I made things worse Maybe all you wanted was to not get hurt. Oh I regret every minute I spent arguing with you I'm sorry for all those phonecalls that stole our summer afternoons. I just didn't realise that as things stood there was no hope Should've listened to the newsboys cause then I would've known. God ain't dead yet There was always something up there that kept us down He gave our suffering meaning so we let ourselves drown. We tried to find our place in a system designed To not let girls like us survive. And sure without it this world would be anarchy But that's the goddamn dream. You and me Doing our own thing You and me With room to breathe. Why should bigots across the country have a say in my quality of life. Why should HSBC determine whether I get to eat tonight. Why can someone lock me in a cage until the day I die. Why does anyone but me need to think about whether I should be alive. God might not be dead yet But he's not on our side So together let's fight back Against the divine. Cause God is a cop A judge A politician And this has all been said before But it seems like no one's listening. We don't need anyone looking down on us We don't need a saviour cause fuck you we're enough. Revolution when? Oh revolution now Steal a gun Kill your landlord Together we can take this fucker down.

will have to transcribe these so watch this space

firat datei took you to the beachh with your hand in my hand stared out overthe ocean with our feet in the sand then i whispered yr name and uou whispered back mine then the sky turned grey and it swallowed you up and i'm sorry this was all just another lie theres no beach life gods still alive i just make shit up i do it all the fucking time i dont drink that much my lifes not that bad i donNt understand why the fuck am i this sad i won't kill myself i just wish i had think i kinda missed the moment aren't you happy about that? /s I want to dream Just for a while Of blue water, open skies Sunset stretching out for miles